This piece touched on something many people quietly feel but rarely say out loud.
The phrase “encouragement famine” really stayed with me. The New Testament assumes encouragement will circulate within the body of Christ — that believers will build one another up, speak life into one another, and help each other carry the weight of the journey. When that encouragement is scarce, even in otherwise healthy churches, people can begin to feel like they are “panhandling” for something that was meant to flow freely.
What I appreciated most was the honesty of the longing. Many of us live objectively blessed lives — good churches, good theology, families, community — and yet still feel a deeper hunger to be seen, known, and encouraged by one another.
It raises a gentle question for the rest of us in the church.
If encouragement is meant to circulate in the body of Christ, how might we become more attentive to the people quietly standing beside us who may be longing for it?
Sometimes the smallest words of encouragement become the very thing someone needed to keep going.
And perhaps the Lord trains us through our own hunger so that we learn to become generous with it ourselves.
This comment was especially encouraging to me today to read. Last night I was wrestling with hanging my hat regarding writing. It is quite vulnerable to share such insights. Thank you for reminding me that the Lord uses our gifts to build up the body. And that the Lord may use my candor to give a voice to many unable to articulate their same longings. God is so good
Kelly, I’m really glad you shared it. Your honesty gave language to something many people quietly carry but don’t always know how to articulate.
Writing like this is vulnerable, but it’s also one of the ways encouragement begins to circulate again. Sometimes simply naming the longing helps others realize they’re not alone.
Grateful you followed the nudge to write and share it.
I feel like this as well much of the time. But I also was reminded, “He knows what to supply and what to deny in order to sanctify us.” And He is enough. 💜
This was lovely writing - thanks for posting! Hope you feel encouraged and supported on here as you share <3.
I can relate to being an extrovert and really wanting those meaningful, deep connections with others. I've wondered if this personality trait has something to do with that... I've had seasons surrounded by lovely, godly community but still felt a bit lonely and left out. One of the patterns I noticed was that at the time, I was surrounded by many introverted women. This isn't a bad thing (and I'm not trying to critique them here!) but I considered how that might play into what I was experiencing.
Just because they were introverts didn't mean they neglected friendship; but what was meaningful for them in a relationship at times was different than the needs/desires I had. So navigating those differences was key to feeling more encouraged and enjoying deep connections.
Thank you for your kindness! I have absolutely had similar observations. It’s also been told to me by an elder that some people need less community entirely. I shudder about getting less than I do now. But I can’t help but notice many introverts are satisfied with small doses of it. If I go even a couple days without it, I feel like a rotting banana in a fruit basket desperate for someone to peel back my layers and engage with me.
Even if I’m technically around others, if the conversations are surface level, I will feel starved in a way that may not make sense and I will slowly shut down. It’s definitely something to explore further. The Lord allows me to wrestle with Him on this, knowing what I truly crave regarding community and fellowship I will only obtain in Heaven. While I’m here, I hope I will learn to love the sanctification of my spiritual longings and allow it to be fuel to love more tenderly, with more awareness and more grace.
LOL what a great analogy!! Yeah I want like daily interactions haha.
It makes me see that while we all need community, it plays out so differently. I get what you mean about wanting depth, but at least for myself, I distinctly remember a few years ago telling my husband that I felt like my love language wasn't just "quality time" but also the quantity of it. Not that I want tons of shallow, nonsense interactions. But I really love spending a lot of time with the people I love, and I'm okay if that means some of it is sitting together watching TV or doing separate activities while chatting, or alternating between deep convos and lighter chats about random experiences during our weeks.
That helped me pinpoint my frustration/loneliness when friends were willing to catch up every couple weeks for an hour or so's chat. For them, that was deep and meaningful, and I too appreciated that focused conversation. But I was craving some fun, extended times too outside of that.
Oh, yes!! I know what you are describing. If we are lucky, we will have just one or two friends that check all of those boxes. My closest friend at church does that WELL. We can chat about the most trivial of topics, but then be deep in theological conversations a moment later and leapfrog back yet again to laughter and jokes, or even sit in shared silence while we each work on a task. I think those connections are few and far between! All the more to savor and cherish it. I actually wrote about this in an email to my elders last week, how I’m wrestling with grieving saying goodbye to this particular friend soon since she’s leaving for missionary work. Yet all the while expressing deep gratitude the Lord gifted this sweet friendship at all. (Obviously coming to a Substack post soon). 😂 But, all this to say I deeply empathize!
Love it Kelly! This resonates and more people I think will connect on this. I will pass around. Thanks for sharing and glad we also connected on Substack. Bless you.
This really resonates with me.
Sending love, Sharon!
This piece touched on something many people quietly feel but rarely say out loud.
The phrase “encouragement famine” really stayed with me. The New Testament assumes encouragement will circulate within the body of Christ — that believers will build one another up, speak life into one another, and help each other carry the weight of the journey. When that encouragement is scarce, even in otherwise healthy churches, people can begin to feel like they are “panhandling” for something that was meant to flow freely.
What I appreciated most was the honesty of the longing. Many of us live objectively blessed lives — good churches, good theology, families, community — and yet still feel a deeper hunger to be seen, known, and encouraged by one another.
It raises a gentle question for the rest of us in the church.
If encouragement is meant to circulate in the body of Christ, how might we become more attentive to the people quietly standing beside us who may be longing for it?
Sometimes the smallest words of encouragement become the very thing someone needed to keep going.
And perhaps the Lord trains us through our own hunger so that we learn to become generous with it ourselves.
This comment was especially encouraging to me today to read. Last night I was wrestling with hanging my hat regarding writing. It is quite vulnerable to share such insights. Thank you for reminding me that the Lord uses our gifts to build up the body. And that the Lord may use my candor to give a voice to many unable to articulate their same longings. God is so good
Kelly, I’m really glad you shared it. Your honesty gave language to something many people quietly carry but don’t always know how to articulate.
Writing like this is vulnerable, but it’s also one of the ways encouragement begins to circulate again. Sometimes simply naming the longing helps others realize they’re not alone.
Grateful you followed the nudge to write and share it.
I feel like this as well much of the time. But I also was reminded, “He knows what to supply and what to deny in order to sanctify us.” And He is enough. 💜
Praise the Lord. I am so comforted to know it resonated but also encouraged us all to the Look to the Cross. God is so good.
Thank you for bravely sharing your heart with us. 💕
I hear you expressing feeling spiritually malnourished by surface level conversations. 💕
I hear your hearts hunger for more depth within your connections. 💕
I hear how spiritually exhausting it can be when you're the one constantly pouring into others. 💕
I hear your hearts cry to be receive and be poured into. 💕
I hear your beautiful extroverted self wishing to rest spiritually. 💕
I hear your hearts need to be genuinely seen for WHO you are and not just for what you do. 💕
I hear the Lord saying you are beautiful, worthy and loved just as you are. ✝️
Thank you for these kind sentiments, sister! ❤️
Beautiful.
And so timely. Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you for your encouragement, Francie!
This was lovely writing - thanks for posting! Hope you feel encouraged and supported on here as you share <3.
I can relate to being an extrovert and really wanting those meaningful, deep connections with others. I've wondered if this personality trait has something to do with that... I've had seasons surrounded by lovely, godly community but still felt a bit lonely and left out. One of the patterns I noticed was that at the time, I was surrounded by many introverted women. This isn't a bad thing (and I'm not trying to critique them here!) but I considered how that might play into what I was experiencing.
Just because they were introverts didn't mean they neglected friendship; but what was meaningful for them in a relationship at times was different than the needs/desires I had. So navigating those differences was key to feeling more encouraged and enjoying deep connections.
Thank you for your kindness! I have absolutely had similar observations. It’s also been told to me by an elder that some people need less community entirely. I shudder about getting less than I do now. But I can’t help but notice many introverts are satisfied with small doses of it. If I go even a couple days without it, I feel like a rotting banana in a fruit basket desperate for someone to peel back my layers and engage with me.
Even if I’m technically around others, if the conversations are surface level, I will feel starved in a way that may not make sense and I will slowly shut down. It’s definitely something to explore further. The Lord allows me to wrestle with Him on this, knowing what I truly crave regarding community and fellowship I will only obtain in Heaven. While I’m here, I hope I will learn to love the sanctification of my spiritual longings and allow it to be fuel to love more tenderly, with more awareness and more grace.
LOL what a great analogy!! Yeah I want like daily interactions haha.
It makes me see that while we all need community, it plays out so differently. I get what you mean about wanting depth, but at least for myself, I distinctly remember a few years ago telling my husband that I felt like my love language wasn't just "quality time" but also the quantity of it. Not that I want tons of shallow, nonsense interactions. But I really love spending a lot of time with the people I love, and I'm okay if that means some of it is sitting together watching TV or doing separate activities while chatting, or alternating between deep convos and lighter chats about random experiences during our weeks.
That helped me pinpoint my frustration/loneliness when friends were willing to catch up every couple weeks for an hour or so's chat. For them, that was deep and meaningful, and I too appreciated that focused conversation. But I was craving some fun, extended times too outside of that.
Oh, yes!! I know what you are describing. If we are lucky, we will have just one or two friends that check all of those boxes. My closest friend at church does that WELL. We can chat about the most trivial of topics, but then be deep in theological conversations a moment later and leapfrog back yet again to laughter and jokes, or even sit in shared silence while we each work on a task. I think those connections are few and far between! All the more to savor and cherish it. I actually wrote about this in an email to my elders last week, how I’m wrestling with grieving saying goodbye to this particular friend soon since she’s leaving for missionary work. Yet all the while expressing deep gratitude the Lord gifted this sweet friendship at all. (Obviously coming to a Substack post soon). 😂 But, all this to say I deeply empathize!
Excited to see more of what you share!
Likewise, sister!
Beautiful.
Together, we are better and stronger 💪💜🙏🏻
Truly! God is so kind to connect souls while we navigate our exile here and give Him glory.
Love it Kelly! This resonates and more people I think will connect on this. I will pass around. Thanks for sharing and glad we also connected on Substack. Bless you.
Thank you for your kindness, Paul!
Kelly, I love this. Thank you for sharing.